I've got a song to sing I got some news
This boys talked himself right out of the blues.
Who said talking ain't no good
Me most likely heaven knows why I should
I got a bottle of whisky I stole from the shop
I knocked it all over and lost every drop
I got a packet of dope smoke smoke smoke that I must
But in comes the screws, what do you know I am bust!
Well the fallen bottle is picked up by a cop
He says it looks like the bottle that was nicked from the shop
So in a mighty short time I am shopped to the nick
They say you know every charge is going to stick, stick, stick
Stick stick stick, Stick stick stick.
Settling in to that prison motel
I happen to notice a horrible smell
I said come on in boys you're there I can tell
And five little pigs came into the cell.
I said come on boys you've got the story all wrong
And started to sing the happy song.
They said we don't like that so what we're going to do
Is we're going to belt the piss out of you.
Now remember boys before we start
What you learned from mugging the poofs in the park
It's in with the boots and in with the knee
But don't leave marks for the sergeant to see.
Well I could see I was in a bit of spot
I could sense their emotions getting quite red hot
So I opened my hand and held out my arm
There was a big red spider standing on my palm
Now a prettier sight you never saw
Than five fat gendarmes stuck in the door
Shouting about their right to be free
And singing songs of liberty
In glorious four-part harmony I felt disposed to join in.
So I tuned in the guitar and joined in, quietly at first so as not to put them off, and this is what we sung:
We're five little pigs and we're stuck in the door
Grunt grunt grunt and squeal some more
We'll pick you posies and we'll pick you flowers
Cause we don't want to go to the abattoirs
We don't want to go to the abattoirs
No we don't want to go to the abattoirs.
With occasional bursts of that Queensland minion chant -
We're out to the snare the hippie commie lair...
Closely followed by
We don't like being mug lair coppers
Though once upon a time we thought we did.
We know you think that we're all fools
But that's because we had tough time at school
We don't like being mug lair coppers
Though once upon a time we thought we did.
And other cop songs like -
Somewhere over the rainbow
Sties are blue
Somewhere over the rainbow
I'll find a sty for you
Each day I wish upon a star
And hope promotion's not too far behind me.
I've got a song to sing I got some news
This boy's talked himself right out of the blues.